#i'm physically and mentally exhausted

[the-myrda-weapon]

Nobody talks about how brave you have to be when clowning. Every day I don my wig and paint and red nose and have to face rejection and the Void, both of OFMD news and within myself. It's tough. I’m not the same person I was before.

[hatespirates]

guess who's back

back again

[shinfuransan]

I probably deserved it. Maybe next time I'll offer a bucket of fried chicken and avoid shit like this?

I'll bite back. Just give it time.

[kotikaleo]

Aautistic meltdowns

Autistic meltdowns are an involuntary response to sensory or emotional overload and overwhelm. This highly dysregulated state is not behavioral, but a physical manifestation of a neurobiological reaction. They can happen at any age and take from 20 minutes to few hours before the person is able to recover. It is not a temper tantrum, as it is not a manipulation tactic in response to not getting needs met, meltdowns are a physical manifestation of a neurobiological reaction and cries of distress.

[katsigian]

Something I wasn't expecting after my excruciating stay in the hospital was how fast and clear my head got and how quickly my mood changed when the pain was gone. For context, since Monday, I had an issue that caused me immense pain and I mean like 9/10 pain levels. I couldn't do more than limp to the couch and lie there for hours. Even scrolling on my phone got set aside because of how distracted I was by the pain. Me, with my adhd ass, was completely rawdogging everything for 4 days - no phone, no music, no TV, no meds, nothing. Even when I was confined to a waiting room for 9 hours, 5 of which were without painkillers and 3 of which were on a hard, plastic chair, I just closed my eyes and sat there. I didn't need distractions because I was so focused on the pain

When I finally got the surgery I needed and was cleared to leave the hospital, I stood up from the bed in the same tense, slow, hunched over way I had been until I realized that the pain was gone. I could stand and walk without almost breaking into tears. Obviously I was still tender from surgery and all my muscles ached from being tense for the past 3 days (they still ache now as I'm typing this) but that intense, encompassing pain was gone. The switch within my brain was insane - I could think again. I could talk again. I could look at my phone again. Even though I was exhausted and achy, I could joke and laugh again because I had the space in my brain for it again. It happened within the blink of an eye.

I didn't realize before just how much space in your brain that pain, constant unending pain, takes up. I hadn't been through that before, that tangible feeling of shackles falling off once the thing that had been hurting me was gone. It was a different, heavy experience for me. I understand much better now how pain affects someone and why someone who is in pain may not act like themselves. I understand better now how pain can be consuming and I think it made me a much more sympathetic and empathetic person

[lgbtlunaverse]

Payment for surrogacy gets really complicated because on one hand paying for it means most surrogates will end up being lower class women who need the money and will be easier to exploit, something which is rife in the current implementation of surrogacy, but on the other hand being pregnant is genuinely like body horror to me and I think that if you go through that for someone else you should get a billion dollars.

[brand-new-me]

Can’t sleep. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep all fucking month. I’m gonna start screaming I swear.

I don’t think this would affect me as much if I wasn’t used to being able to effortlessly get 8-10 hours of sleep per night. But goddamn. This sucks.

[collectingmuses]

***

[its-captain-sir]

Thanksgiving break literally could not come sooner I can't take this anymore

[ducktracy]

chipmunk posting is not over because i still have much of the show to watch and want to watch it. but i had this very amusing revelation yesterday that i pigeon holed myself with chipmunks. i've gotten out of it enough to be able to joke about it now, but last month was an incredibly dark and hard and tumultuous month and i was at some of the lowest i've been in years and years. and i used the chipmunks to help get me through that. and yesterday i was on a walk and listening to music when a chipmunks song came on my playlist and it's like. you know how when you go through a bad breakup or life event or something, and there are songs you listened to help get you through that, and then once you're out of that you can't listen to those songs anymore because they immediately transport you back to that place. yeah. well that's evidently me now with ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS. CHIPMUNKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my life is beyond parody. i can't believe this. it couldn't be a depressing song or movie or whatever like everyone else. it has to be the chipmunks.

[wildflowercryptid]

trying to job hunt makes me want to rip out my hair. they expect you to jump through 15 different hoops just to apply to something w/ dogshit pay & hours only to never even send you a rejection email.

[egg04]

A small message for those who may need it. I know it's not much for everyone that comes across it, but for those this helps:

If you have a personality and/or psychotic disorder, if you're a system, etc. just reminder that nobody should make you feel ashamed for it. It's not your fault that way too many people, even those who claim to care so deeply about mental health, talk about it as something that makes a mind "evil by nature." It's not your fault that finding a place of genuine understanding is a game of luck for many.

You didn't choose your brain composition.

You're not bad for just being.

Just relaying a thing a friend said last year. While I am not comfortable specifying my experience, I will say that this was something I really needed at that time.

[maddiesbookshelves]

Honestly, this year has been so hectic in terms of reading. I'd be in a slump for 4 months and then read 4 books in 2 weeks (usually on vacation). I've only read 13 novels, the rest are all manga or graphic novels. I've been struggling with the same book for 3 months now, even though I'm really liking it. Starting a full time job where I can start work anytime between 7am and 12pm is NOT helping. I don't know if I just have to get into the groove of things, but it's been a full year now so what gives

[furmata1]

financial assistance needed

hi. i work 40 hrs per week at a warehouse, as a contractor through a recruitment agency. last week was Memorial Day and was a national holiday (a required day off), meaning i only worked 30 hours, expecting to receive holiday pay.

leading up to the holiday, i attempted multiple times to contact them asking about how holiday pay worked. i also looked on their website and found verbage saying employees working through them get paid holidays. they refused to respond in any way at all and have ignored me for 2 weeks now. (I'm thinking by 'employees' they meant their recruiters, not people like me on the lowest rung.)

and of course it's convenient that I'm missing a quarter of my weekly paycheck, worth nearly $200, which has caused me to go $-40 in the red. so not only was the information obscured, they are actively avoiding telling me that i don't qualify for holiday pay.

i even would have been able to take on more

today is Friday and i won't get another check from them until Wednesday at the earliest. i am in a vulnerable position and do not have family i can ask for help.

if you can donate, my info is below. any amount helps. if you can't, please share if you're able to. thanks

cashapp: $quibbo

paypal: https://paypal.me/qnaaa

[thatrandomsarahchick]

Gotta love that 2.30am urge to clean my room and change my sheets... only now I lost the motivation, so I have no sheets on my bed and half of my closet is on the floor.

At least I've gotten rid of the rubbish, and sorted dirty clothes from the clean ones... Time to throw my doona on the mattress and call it good enough.

Thanks AuDHD.

[running-in-the-dark]

it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).